AI tools, larping, and Twitter

Comparison is the thief of joy — and is also apparently the only thing I do when I log onto Twitter and find hundreds of tweets from smart people in my field. They all tend to be my age, from my background, yet seem so much smarter and more successful. I can't even use the excuse of "I entered computer engineering at the wrong time!" because no, I didn't, and they are living proof of that. If you really want to become a good programmer, it doesn't matter what tools are out there or how the market looks right now — you will become a good programmer. So what was my issue?

I had a realization recently as I was working on my website. I care more about the outcome than the process when it comes to software engineering — which is why I fell into the AI tools trap. I would've never been able to create a project like this the way I imagined it using only my coding skills, at least not in the near future. Surely there's no harm in getting a little help? But how can I, in good conscience, call myself a "software engineer" when I'm not even the one "engineering" these projects? I can't take credit for something I didn't make myself, not entirely at least. And I sure as hell can't be calling it my career when I barely know anything about it.

Recently I entered a live technical interview knowing next to nothing about the stack I was being interviewed in (I was approached with the opportunity and went through with it sort of as a joke). I spent the week leading up to it half-learning the language and half-reading fundamental software concepts like OOP, SOLID, design patterns, all that fun stuff. Let's all take a wild guess how that went. No matter how much حشو I could've done in that week, I would've failed that interview anyway. Realizing that halfway through it made me admit my position to the interviewer, and I spent the rest of the 30 minutes asking him questions about his experience. It actually ended up being so much more useful than I thought — he gave me a lot of helpful advice and emailed me resources to learn from later, so I'm grateful I entered anyway knowing I wouldn't have passed it.

Even after the semi-happy ending I got from the interview, I still had that pit in my stomach afterward — I'm so much further away than I thought. And I have no one to blame other than myself for this illusion I've put myself in these past 4 years, that I'm smart and know what I'm doing, when I don't.

But I guess the first step in changing is realizing what's wrong?

It's really funny because for the first time in my life, my imposter syndrome is actually right—maybe I AM a fraud. I pretend to know all of these skills that I don't have. It does feel embarrassing to admit as an almost-graduate. Going back to basics, learning how to code from scratch with no AI involved is humbling. But it's the only way to move forward if I really want to be confident about my abilities. I stumbled across a very inspiring blog post written by another recent graduate, Micheal Kolanjian. Seeing someone else share their journey of realizing the trap they fell into and fighting against it was what I needed to read, and I recommend you do the same.

This conversation reminds me of a reel I saw that stuck with me about being a beginner and how it is viewed in today's world.

"Instead of feeling like a beginner, you just feel behind"
"We feel like we have to know the best method and avoid all the predictable mistakes"

These are sentiments that very accurately capture how I've been feeling, especially about software engineering as a whole, considering the vast amount of information out there. There are millions of roadmaps, hundreds of books, thousands of courses you could pick from. If I had a dollar for every time I got recommended a video titled "Here's how I would learn programming if I started today", I wouldn't have to get a job in the first place. I definitely fell into that trap of finding the best, most efficient way to learn something just to not learn it at all. Why are we so desperate to speedrun the process?

I'm not really sure how to conclude this given that I myself don't have a conclusion to this seemingly never-ending journey of figuring out what I'm doing in this field. Maybe let this be motivation for you to start over if you need to — it's never too late, and it's not embarrassing. Being a beginner is a good thing! Cherish it while it lasts.